This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
