if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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