Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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