i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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