Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
