I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
