Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
