got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
