I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
