when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
