i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
