it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
