Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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