Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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