Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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