i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
