I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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