I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
