i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
