Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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