Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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