Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
