Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
