why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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