smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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