Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
