I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
