and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
