i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
