So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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