i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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