so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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