Kareoke will never be a sober sport
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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