I just saw a hot homeless man
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
