the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
