I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
