This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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