and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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