I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
this is an emotional support booty call
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
