we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Someone shit on the floor
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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