a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
