did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
