happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
