Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
