Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
