things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
time to smoke my breakfast
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
