I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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