maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
