this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
