I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
