No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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