The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
