I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
