toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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