i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
