is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
