we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
