I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
