I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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