I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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