You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
