i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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