how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
