thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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