Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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