When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
