Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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