my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
