season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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