...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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