he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
