Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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