Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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