did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
