If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
