Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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