hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
