At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am puke
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
