chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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