Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
