Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
