toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
