god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Plan B is the new Plan A
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
