You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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