If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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