I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
