guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
