Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
